Lewis B. Smedes: The Art of Forgiving

Forgiveness is a difficult process One of my favorite parts of the book was this The way to hope for a better future after a bad past is the way of forgivingWe see the bad things that happened in the past through the lenses of whatever ood has come to us afterwardForgiving does not edit bad things out of our memories any than it makes the bad things The Billionaires Runaway Bride good Forgiving only helps us remember the positive things that follow itVictims often twist the wrong someone else did to them into something that is wrong with them If someone abandons us we imagine that we were not worth keeping If someone abuses us something bad in us must have made him do it If someone we loved stops loving us we must be unlovableNobody can ever do anything worthy of self respect than to break therip of a painful past she never deserved and walk dangerously with hope into the possibility of tomorrowForgiving does not remove our scars When we are wounded once wounded and wronged deeply wounded sorely wronged we carry a scar that stays when the wound is healed If we are wounded in the fifth chapter of our story we write the sixth chapter as a wounded author When a person forgives and the stitches are torn open by a remembrance of past wrongs she can feel the healed pain again and be Fifty Ways To Be Your Lover glad for the moment s connection with the past it reminds her howood it is to be healedOne way to regain hope is to choose the new way of remembering that comes with forgiving the wrongs of the past We make forgiving sound so easy Just forgive them and move on It s not uite that simple most of the time Lewis Smedes Caught on Camera with the CEO gives us a 1 2 3 step approach to forgiving while saying that sometimes forgiveness is not the right answerTo forgive someone you need to first rediscover their humanity When someone hurts us they become only what they did to us They become an abuser an adulterer a liar when in truth they are much than that We need to remember that they re not evil incarnate They re human and here s a newsflash so am I I make mistakes and I hurt people too The second step to forgiving them is when we surrender our right toet even Revenge is on our minds but we have to put it away Revenge is our pleasure at seeing the one who hurt us feel pain We re supposed to bring joy peace and love not pain The third step to forgiveness is revising your feelings Forgiveness is a decision a tough decision sometimes but a decision nonetheless You can decide to stop hating the person You can decide to start praying for ood things to happen to them and while you may not mean those prayers yet your feelings will eventually follow your wordsDid you know that forgiveness is not the solution we should reach for every time someone hurts us We have to make sure we were hurt by an individual We can t forgive a nameless entity We can only forgive individuals so we need to figure out who it was that hurt us It also needs to be an action that hurt us I can t forgive someone for who they are I can only forgive them for what they do I can t forgive someone for bei. Lewis Smedes writes about forgiveness like no one has ever written about it before There is no better book in the English language about this subject which if properly mastered can change the face of human relationships   Neil Clark Warren              Author of The Triumphant Marriage and Make Anger Your AllyIf you are ready to make peace with those who have hurt or betrayed you there can be no finer road map than this thoroughly practical book Lewis Smedes brings true forgiven.

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Rgive when we really don t but he never deals with what Jesus says in this regard forgive us our trespasses as those who trespass against us The power is our ability to imagine a future The weakness is our inability to control the future The answer to the problem of imagining a fute we cannot control is hope And the way to hope for a better future after a bad past is the way of forgivingThis book was on my list because I started a small roup about forgiving with a new church I recently became involved with Forgiveness wasn t necessarily something I felt I needed to work on However I was hopeful for an opportunity to connect with a new Arabian Nights group of people That being said I found myself reading through this book wondering if I truly had a fullrasp on the idea of forgiving Smedes breaks it down into one simplistic thought One needs to forgive when a person did something that seriously wounded and wronged us This idea was the first to throw me a bit The idea that it had to be a person not an organization or an institution a person I then reflected on some of my past experienc My favorite part of this book was how we didn t have to accept what the person was doing We didn t have to let them be part of our lives They still had to be accountable for their actions We aren t letting them off the hook We are letting ourselves off the hook We bring peace to our own lives We don t waste one minute worrying about something we have no control over I also liked that we felt hurt because when someone hurts us it makes us feel like we don t have value When in fact we all have value When we let Enchanting Baby (The Birth Place go of the hurt and anger and forgive it isn t really about the other person any Reallyood clarification about the things that forgiveness is and is not Also Wild Nights with Her Wicked Boss goes through the hows of forgiving and what to do when you find that it is especially hard or when you worry that you haveone backwards I was not the intended audience but I had to read this for class This was terrible I can t recommend it for anyone This slim and extraordinarily easy read contains some of the most profound words of healing ever expressed in the English language In many ways it is uite superior to Smedes earlier work the seminal and misleadingly titled Forgive and Forget the first ever major publication on the subject of forgiveness coming from theology or the social sciences The pearls of wisdom expressed in this masterpiece are frankly too numerous to rehash here however this is the kind of work that needs to seep deeply into the human soul penetrate the marrow and slowly change each of us from within It is raw in its profundity and power and beautiful too in a kind of unflinching and yet tender way At every turn it is human and humane and made all the so in its showing how forgiveness lies at the heart of God s relationship to us As a therapist I recommend this book to almost all of my clients who struggle with bitterness and unresolved rieftrauma and it has been a revelation to each of them I cannot recommend it highly enoug. Step by step the healing path to peace and freedom  Altogether a wonderfully wise and enabling book one of Smedes's very best The Art of Forgiving is itself a work of art Throughout my reading I found myself exclaiming 'That never occurred to me but yes that's right' I felt as if I were being led by an extraordinarily lucid and perceptive uide on a tour through the land of forgiveness     Nicholas Woltersdorff   Professor of Philosophical Theology  The Divinity School Yale Universit.

Ng a liar I can forgive them for lying to me though I try to improve their character but I can t forgive their character only their actions Forgiveness is also only for serious wounds People hurt us everyday I ve been offended by the box I order my Big Mac on before I can t forgive the person that was rude to me though because that s not a forgivable offense Forgivable offenses are offenses that result in me hating the person that hurt me We can also only forgive someone for wronging us If you re in prison for murder you re in pain but not wrongful pain You ot what you deserved I can only forgive someone if they wrongfully hurt me There must be a betrayal involvedYou also need to know that just because you forgive someone does not mean that you necessarily allow them to return to the spot they occupied in your life prior to the betrayal Forgiveness doesn t necessarily mean reconciliation although it certainly can Also a person doesn t have to ask for our forgiveness for us to ive it You may be saying That s not right They ve Wild at Heart (Sons of Chance, got to show some remorse Now you re talking about reconciliation To be reconciled to a person they would need to show remorse for their actions and how they hurt you At that point and only that point could you be reconciled to them It s your decision What about a person that doesn t show remorse You can still forgive them They don t even have to ask for it Because forgiving them isn t about them it s about you That hate you re keeping in your heart over how they hurt you will seep out of the little hole you ve put it in and it will start to effect other parts of your life When you forgive them you leto of that hate and you can begin to flourish again If you hold on to the hate you feel you re just letting them continue to hurt you If that person had beaten you so badly that you had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks but all of a sudden you realized you had the power to heal those wounds and take the pain away wouldn t you We re talking about the same thing here only the wounds are internalThere s so much Smedes says but there s not room for all his advice here There are several things he said that I m Lucy Carmichael going to need time to chew over but this has been the most helpful book I ve ever read on forgiveness 45 starsAn excellent look at what biblical forgiveness is and does and what is not and does not I think I prefer Miroslav Volf s Free of Charge thus the four and a half stars instead of five but this one is also very much worth reading Very simple Itives Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti great tips for forgiveness and does areat job of distinguishing between forgiveness and reconciliation Just because you forgive does not mean that the person should be One-Click Buy given the same status they previously had in your life There s a lot of wisdom about forgiveness and how theospel drives it There are also a few flies in the ointment For example Smedes worries about fast forgivers who forgive uickly in order to avoid their pain p137ff This makes a lot of sense not to fake forgiveness or say we fo. Ess Gods own ift within the capacity of every wounded person even in circumstances when only hate seems possible With inspiring words he leads you through the three stages of forgiveness and helps you understandWhy we forgive often the person who benefits most is the forgiver What we do when we forgive perhaps not what we expect Whom we forgive only those who directly wrong usHow we forgive we start by owning our pain  Using many dramatic examples drawn from life this wise author illuminates.

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Lewis Benedictus Smedes 1921 — December 19 2002 was a renowned Christian author ethicist and theologian in the Reformed tradition He was a professor of theology and ethics for twenty five years at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena California His 15 books including the popular Forgive and Forget covered some important issues including sexuality and forgivenessLewis Benedictus Smede